Can you remember your biggest breakup? The one that hit you deep down inside? The one you dwelled over for months or years? Yes, the one that changed your life whether it was for the greater good or not. Breakups, we’ll hate them but sometimes we can’t control them. Breakup-The act of ending something, dissolution, termination or conclusion, the end of a relationship. An act that we can’t control unless you’re the initiator of the break up.
Breakups can be experienced in two different ways, the person who’s leaving versus the person who is being left. Before we move forward, we need to understand that sometimes people are forced into moving on because is the best choice for them. For example, you caught your boyfriend or girlfriend cheating or committing foul play, that’s a reason to put on your thinking cap on and move along. At this instance, the experience reverses, the person leaving, is forced into a choice they probably never really consider making. A really tough decision we can’t all make,that’s probably the reason why you see a lot of women put up with guys even after catching them in the act. You can see them trying to mend broken relationships, nevertheless, there’s certain things that can’t be taped back together.
Personally, I use to believe that the older you were, the more mature you became, I assumed it was a rule in life that age equaled to be mature, boy was I wrong. Maybe 50 years ago when chivalry was still alive you could make that argument. Today I sit and listen to my grandmother and mother speak about their young days and love. A man would come to a woman’s window to simply look and stare at the person they loved. A tale where hearts were broken because parents had the last word on who you were allowed to be with and who you weren’t allow to see. In order to get married you needed the blessing of a father and mother. Today chivalry is an endangered species, you can’t find it anywhere. It takes me back to my visit to Maryland many years ago where I had the privilege to observe an America Bald Eagle. An eagle so endangered, you’re bless if you ever have the opportunity to observe it in it’s natural habitat. Chivalry isn’t dead, it’s simply an endanger species amongst human beings because we don’t really care for it anymore. (We can talk about chivalry some other time.)
The one being left
Today, is hard to find people who can truly say a breakup was a mutual agreement between two people. A breakup is more like soap opera, one of the two parties has decided to leave a person for someone or something else. Many people call this confusion but don’t be fooled my friends, I’ve met to many broken hearts that say otherwise. I recall my breakup, the pinch inside your heart when you believe you were dead but somehow still walking. The anxiety attacks, lack of air to your lungs, the lack of sleep at night. Yes, you don’t eat, you think about all the things that you probably did wrong, whether they’re known or unknown. You’re in a search to find the reason of where and why things fell apart. Don’t worry, if you’re a human being you probably committed countless mistakes, that my friend’s is part of life. You will probably spend 100 years searching and you will never find out.
The person being left will always have a much harder time understanding why things happen the way they do. It doesn’t mean you’re wrong, it simply means that it wasn’t for you, when you’re able to understand that, you will be able to understand why things happen. We’re creatures of habit, we get attached to people, things and sometimes it’s hard letting go. Take my baby niece for example, she’s attached to her blanket, she won’t let it go even though it’s old and ready to go out to the garbage can. Sometimes breakups can be seen that way. We know it’s over but we can’t let it go, somehow it becomes an addiction we seek, we understand it’s not good for our heart but yet we try to meet out needs. There’s some psychological term for this, one of my buddies is a PHD student, whenever I need someone to give me these terms, I call her up. This friend knows her material and I’m certain a successful career in marriage and relationship counseling awaits her.
If there was one thing I did do, it was turn to my old chivalry ways, I wrote letters, sent countless cards, delivered flowers. Before it was over, I believed that I had to do everything in my power to go out with a bang. I had to play all the cards in my deck to walk away peacefully and that is exactly what I did. The funny thing was that my ex girlfriend didn’t know I already knew more than she imagined. But I never brought it up, I never mentioned I knew her real reasons. I wanted to keep it civil and I didn’t want to lose my good image. I simply promised to never bad mouth the woman, not my style, why start today? I knew her every move because word of mouth travels to fast. “Where did I go wrong? what did I do? maybe this or that?” I told myself for months after the breakup. It didn’t really mattered, it was an eye opener, “Sometimes breakups are not meant for make ups, they’re more like a wake up.”
It was time for me to wake up and realized that I had a lot of things to accomplish in my life. Am I the only one who’s ever felt that? No, we all go through it, some of us simply don’t want to accept it. My dreams and goals had derailed from their proper tracks. It wasn’t easy but somehow I found my fire again. I started listening to the people around me and realized how I was simply one more case in a world filled with heartbreaks. One of my friends was getting divorced, make that two or three friends. Another close friends found out he dated a married woman for almost three years. This is the life and time we live in. It didn’t make me feel any better that my friends were going through worse moments than myself. On the contrary, the breakup helped me climb up my man ladder. That reality check where you tell yourself to grow up, keep learning and move along the road.
If you missed my blog last week, I talked about Karma, it was a hit let me tell you, check it out if you have minute or two. That’s what usually follows after someone tears your heart out, or perhaps that’s what you’ve earned after your own number of mistakes. Don’t worry, I’m okay, my heart is good and strong beating like a drum in a drum circle. Filled with love and joy not anger and resent because as cliche as it might sound, the line between love and hate is very thin. People, woman to be more upfront usually ask me, “Where’s the guy who writes all the sweet stuff?” Well, he’s there, but hearts aren’t simply handed out, you earn them. I once said that love is a big tree, you plant the seed, you take care of it, you nourish it and enjoy it once it’s big and strong. I don’t believe you plant a seed and get a tree the next morning.
Without certain breakups, some of us wouldn’t be doing the things we’re doing today. I wouldn’t be writing, working out as much as I do, improving myself as a man. “They said the best way to get over a broken heart was to fall in love again, so I fell in love with myself, the best relationship in my life.” If you’ve been broken hearted, don’t doubt that love will come looking for you again. Just don’t expect it because it doesn’t work that way. Not every experience you have with another man or woman means it will end up in love. Instead keep learning, keep improving yourself in order to be ready when it finds you again.
BS Break up lines
- It’s not you, it’s me
- I need to find myself again
- Hope we can stay friends
- I’m confused
- Need to find my self worth
- You were never there! (Where was I than?)
- I’m always going to love you
- Maybe we need some time off
- It’s not going to happen
- (add yours)
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